Our Unique Minds

Initially, I thought everything was fine. I just processed differently than my peers. After attending a meeting of my school's Sources of Strength chapter, to find out how to be a better friend and ally to those dealing with depression, I realized that I might be struggling with depression. With the help of my mom, we found a therapist for me to start seeing. Four and a half years and various medications later, I am doing so much better than I used to be. That’s not to say I still don’t struggle, but it’s easier. My pain is more manageable and I have coping mechanisms that help when difficult moments strike. I have come to terms with my conditions and issues, and have found ways to help myself get by. I’ve surrounded myself with people who care for me, and about me. Asking for help was probably the most difficult step of my journey. Reaching out for help can make you feel so burdensome, but it’s key to remember that YOU ARE NOT A BURDEN. Every step in the right direction counts, no matter how small or seemingly insignificant. Talk to loved ones, friends, and people you trust, and go from there. It will get better, it always does.

I was 12 years old in my bunk at camp, standing in my underwear while trying to get dressed for the day as quickly as I could. My bunkmate, Cletus, began calling me names and grabbing my stomach again. He had been bullying me about my weight all summer. This time, he cruelly shoved me outside, where I was humiliated and forced to show my body to everyone passing by. I felt shame and disgust, but I laughed it off and pretended it didn't cut deep, even though it was the worst pain of my life. I was always a fit, active kid, but I would eat a lot of junk and processed food during middle school without managing portions. I gained weight and was bullied for it. On the inside, I was embarrassed and constantly feeling repulsed by myself, but on the outside, I pretended not to care. I refused to tell anyone about the truth of my suffering because I was mortified. Things spiraled out of control, and I did not know how to fix it, so I swung to the other extreme and lost an unhealthy amount of weight by working out for hours and consuming minimal calories. Even though I saw a physical change, mentally, I was depressed, tortured, and guilt-ridden. I had reached a so-called goal but broke connections and lost friends in the process. While dealing with many toxic emotions, it felt wrong to me. It went against my nature. I was always a jovial, easygoing kid. The burden of depression and eating issues felt unnatural and exhausting. I no longer wanted to continue down this path, so I sought help. Despite my challenges, I let my mother into my struggle and unraveled the truth. She helped me find a nutritionist and therapist, and I consciously decided to work hard at making healthy changes. As a man, mental health is rarely talked about and it pains me because so many people I know not only struggle with mental health issues but body dysmorphia as well. Just know you are not alone and people out there love and care about you and want to see you at your best. Everyone is beautiful and has their strengths and that’s what makes us special and human.

I am turning 19 years old in one month and I have ADD, Asperger's Syndrome, Delayed Cognitive Processing Speed, and Social Anxiety. I have also dealt with depression on and off throughout my life. I remember that I would always show signs of anxiety, even at a much younger age. I'd cry and cling to my mom because being around others was hard for me. My ADD makes it difficult for me to focus and tends to make me feel burnt out quickly. I've gotten into the habit of taking prescription medication as well as anti-depressants (Sertraline, Wellbutrin, Extended Release, Methylphenidate, etc.) to help me focus and manage any restlessness I may experience. I was diagnosed with Asperger's when I was 7 years old, which is a mild form of Autism. This has made social interaction, reading cues, understanding boundaries, and making friends more difficult for me in my life, and has caused me to feel lonely, isolated, hopeless, and desperate many times. But, over time, my mom and my doctors have helped teach me and help me learn/practice cognitive thinking skills. My mom always told me "You deserve friends just like everybody else. Don't let your condition define who you really are. You are special in your own unique way and I'll always love you for it." This meant the world to me. I've also received much help with learning how to challenge negative thinking and unwanted thoughts I have throughout the days, which have caused me to fall into unhealthy loops in the past and focus too much on perceiving rather than doing. My delayed processing speed has caused me trouble taking in what people say at a normal rate and requires me to take extra time to fathom it. I've felt guilty over this many times and felt like a burden for needing to ask people to repeat themselves or explain what they said to me in simpler terms. I've learned to embrace this part of myself and look at it in a positive light, in that I'll always be considerate about listening to others and showing I care through taking action. Social Anxiety is my greatest struggle. Often it's like fighting a personal battle inside of you while trying to deal with your traditional life and whatever challenges it throws at you. Sometimes it just feels like an uphill battle that you can never win, but in reality, you can. All my life I've been able to form good connections with people, but never quite take it to the close friendship level or even dating, which is my dream, and I will get there. I've made so many great accomplishments, including having the best GPA in my middle school, being awarded student-athlete of the year, giving speeches in public, and just being able to do what I love all together. I'm so grateful for all those who have stood in my corner and put their hearts and souls into helping me learn how to be a happy, functioning adult. I still struggle with many of these same issues today, but whenever they come up, I know I have what it takes to manage them, and it's okay to ask for help. Asking for help is liberating. The hardest part, sometimes, is just asking for it. Once you get over that hurdle, the rest is smooth sailing if you put the work in. Your struggles never define who you really are, and once you are able to embrace this part of yourself, you can conquer anything.

I’ve been in and out of therapy since I was 9 years old (I’m now 17). When I was younger I hated it more than anything. My parents told me I should go because they knew it would help me even if I didn’t want to believe it. I quit therapy for a year when I was 14 and when I entered high school I was having panic attacks constantly and ultimately asked to go back to therapy. This is when I found my perfect match. I’ve now been with my therapist for about 3 years and she’s helped me more than I can express. I’ve had maybe 6 therapists before her so I rejected the idea of therapy, but really I just hadn’t found the right person. She helped me get back on my feet and get medication for my anxiety and depression. It took a lot of time, but it was worth it.

I've never really paid much attention to my mental health, partly, if not entirely because my parents don't believe that mental illness is a "real" thing. As a result, I've long ignored my mental health, which worked wonderfully while the issues were small enough to ignore. Recently, however, my OCD and anxiety have gotten much worse, and so I was finally forced to listen to myself and to acknowledge that there existed issues that needed to be addressed. I think that acknowledging my issues and legitimizing my feelings was extremely important to me, because while it doesn't necessarily "cure" my issues, it makes them easier to understand and to deal with.

Growing up, I was always taught that crying shows weakness. So I lived in my own bubble for many years where I seldom showed my emotions. However, my anxiety and depression became extremely amplified around the time of middle school, to the point where I realized I couldn’t just mask it anymore. I became a crybaby and was ashamed to say so, because of all the years I was able to put it aside. I think that with the combination of hormones and the pandemic, I was finally able to grapple with the idea of having a mental illness. Whether that was a good or bad thing, I at the very least acknowledged that my behavior was not my fault and that I was simply wired this way. My depression got particularly bad during my sophomore year of high school, because of the weight of school and my social life piling onto me. I also struggled with suicidal thoughts from time to time, which I thought I would be able to shake off, but they were blaring red signs that I needed to seek help. It began to consume my life, and completely twist my mindset. However, as mentioned before, this was not something I ever thought to approach my parents about because of the culture I was raised in and the emphasis on just “dealing with it yourself”. So that was exactly what I did. I pretended this weight on my shoulder wasn’t there, and the closest thing to therapy I ever gave myself was distractions. I distracted myself with any activity possible to not sit alone with my thoughts which had previously proved to be a danger to me. I eventually learned that this was not sufficient either, and finally had a sit down with a close friend of mine who had also dealt with major mental illnesses. He urged me to step out of this bubble I was in for a while and make my parents hear me out. He also suggested the school counselor and other free therapists outside of school. It was incredibly difficult for me to admit that my mental state was out of my hands, but it was the only thing I could do. I confronted my mother and told her everything, praying for her understanding. To my surprise, she was the most supportive I had ever seen her and booked me an appointment to see a psychiatrist. I seek counseling on the occasion and have my full container of Lexapro sitting on my dresser. I wouldn’t say everything is perfect and I am completely cured, but I have found appreciation for life. I love my friends and my boyfriend and am learning to love myself! I have started to base my self-worth off of myself, and not my grades or test scores. And also I have found a lot of sanctuary in spirituality and religion, which seems to have given me a much more secure place in this world. I have grown so much out of the negative mindset I used to be stuck in and now relish in the beautiful moments that life hands me.

My whole life I’ve always kind of been the “mentally stable friend” which sounds strange but it was mostly true because I had never had any clinical mental illness and seemed level-headed compared to some of the people around me. I’ve always appreciated that I don’t have mental illness genes and that I live a very functional and positive life. Because I was seen this way, it was hard to come to terms with the fact that I was experiencing waves of anxiety periodically throughout the last few months. I never wanted to admit that I had anything “wrong” with me mentally. I made the decision to go on anti-anxiety medication just to make every day a little bit easier. Through this, I have learned that even the smallest cases of anxiety or depression can still be treated. Just because you have a crutch or something that helps you a little doesn’t mean that you are “ill”. Now, I feel proud to treat myself and feel like an even more authentic version of myself. No matter how big or small your mental issues are, they are still valid.

When I've been struggling with mental health, the main problem is that I didn't talk to anyone. My mental health snowballed and got worse and worse the more I held my problems in. The big solution was talking to people. My sister helped but mainly my therapist, which I finally started. I found that opening up was the big thing that really helped me.

I have struggled with how I view myself, and how I view my body. I had a perfectionist mindset that was impossible to live up to and I was constantly shaming myself for how I look. I had this crazy idea in my head of where I should be, and I was always reminding myself how far below I was from that. Whether it had to do with how I looked, not living up to expectations, how smart I was, or how I thought others viewed me, I dug myself into a hole of very negative thoughts. It led to constant procrastination, distraction, and this feeling that I was just rotting away. I felt like such a dull person and felt like I was doing everything wrong. I told myself I was ugly, stupid, and undeserving of good things. I was the ultimate over-thinker and self-doubter. I had thought about talking to someone, but the process of actually getting therapy took several months. However, I did get there eventually, and it has helped a lot. I have found that saying how you feel out loud can make you realize how silly some of the things you’re thinking are. Not that I was invalidating anything I was going through, it just helped put things in perspective. My problems and thoughts didn’t just completely vanish all of a sudden, but over time, I learned how to deal with them. It’s important to not bottle things inside and keep them in. It's healthy to get help and I believe it has set me in the right direction.

I know sometimes it may seem like it’s the absolute end of the world like you just failed a test in class and you think that your entire life will come crumbling down and you won’t get into college, trust me, we have all been there. I promise you that is not at all the case! Sure you did badly on one test, or maybe even a few, but grades do not at all define who you are as a person, you will get into a college. I know it may seem like everything in the world is stacked against you but in reality, there are always people who care about you, and no one wants to see you leave this earth. NO ONE! If suicide ever crosses your mind, I would rather listen to your struggle than your eulogy. I didn’t come up with that quote but I think about it whenever I come anywhere close to contemplating suicide. Some people want to listen to you, and we all want you to stay here safe and alive. IT WILL GET BETTER.

I’ve always struggled with ADHD and feelings of self-doubt. Even after receiving an award or scholarship, I felt like I didn’t deserve it. I always tell myself that the only way out is through. Just get the work done and think about it later. What helps me is to design my environment around myself. Remove temptations and things that sap my attention span to live more peacefully and productively.

I used to be so insecure about myself. I didn’t handle my stress in a healthy way, hurting myself in the process. Although I still have that problem, over time I’ve gotten better at controlling stress output on myself. Once I committed to changing my habits and respecting myself and my body more, it got easier to keep going. I’ve never talked to anyone about my problems, but I tried my best to fix them knowing the impact it would have on my future.

I’ve struggled with my childhood traumas, which have always been seen by my family as no big deal. Talking to people and expressing my feelings has helped me a lot. I have learned that everyone deals with their experiences and trauma differently and it’s helpful to talk to people who will be a listening ear.

I want to start by acknowledging that everyone is human with emotions, creativity, and a personal path towards their goals. I like to remember that you don’t get any stronger by following someone else's path. To share my perspective, I come from a different place than my peers, yet I must try to adapt to my current life as if I've always been living this way. I have always been well-known and shown respect, happiness, and laughter. People viewed me as accomplished and put together, so I was often scared to speak the truth about my emotions and mental health. I did not want to change the views of the people I interacted with every day. I only realized how much I was struggling when I was asked to describe life in my own words and I stated, “Life is knowing that everyone suffers the same ending”. I held this view because I lost 3 of my greatest friends, my grandmother, my great-grandmother, and my mother all in a short period of time. It was at a young age, but at an age that I could still understand how great of a loss I was suffering. If I had made some different decisions, I would be in the wrong place or even dead. I have struggled through issues with school and the sport I love too, but I have learned that with the right people, it becomes easier to change your perspective. I thought I was alone and trapped in these endless thoughts of despair and that nobody could relate. I feared being judged, but others helped me realize that I have support. Now, as I improve, I can be that same support system for the people around me who need it. I’ll just send a text to a friend to check in or discuss their struggles for as long as they need. Our conversations end in a laugh and we feel less alone. Everyone has their own personal issues in life, but through strong connections, we can support each other’s mental health.

I have struggled a lot with personal inadequacy and feeling like I had no place in the world. It got to a point where I knew I could not live the rest of my life overthinking about how imperfect I was, so I finally sought help from a therapist. Although I have just begun talk therapy, my therapist and I have already made much progress in discovering why it is I feel the way I do. Once I understood the reasons for these emotions it became easier to cope with them. Seeking help from a professional took a lot of confidence and I’m excited to see how much more I can accomplish!